Appreciation or Responsibility ?

23rd June 2012, is the day where by it is a big day for me and my future wife (current girlfriend) as it is our 2 years anniversary. For the past few days, I had been thinking that is it because of responsibility of what she did for me in the past few months (8 months) or is it because of the love that we both appreciate it so much that we can’t live without each other?

Appreciation <> Responsibility

I will tell you my story that lead me to this question of whether am I still deeply in love with her or is it because of the “debt” that I owe to her that makes me feel that I must take responsibility of this relationship.

I started my relationship with her at the age of 21 in the month of June. 23rd year 2010. We both studied in the same class but we never talk to each other since the first semester till almost graduation, I made my move and she accepted it. The sad part is, we both live in a different states, and we will be separate for gods know how long, but I took the initiative of coming down to the big city every week and travel back to my small town after accompany her for few days especially during the weekend.

Life was good back then, I had a good income around 1,+++ usd per week during weekdays and travel down to the big city just to accompany her and stay in nice hotel plus accompany her to watch movie and do what most couple will do. One day, I am being force to study my Master (Master in Hospitality Management, Events and Entrepreneur Development) in Switzerland. I have no friend nor anyone in that country so I spend most of my time in the room and calling back to my girl (skype, credits). It is a burden for me when I am there as I spend most of my money and even my parents gave me money too. I kept drinking and doing my assignment all the time. I just want to graduate as fast as I can and wish to go back and see my girl as soon as possible. I had an interview with a few Swiss company, and basically I got a job there, but NO!! I decided to go back to my country because of my girl, if not I will be having a great life in Swiss by now and I will not be facing all the money issue.

I came back to my country, but then I found out that things has change in my country a lot. The job that I had previously for 1,+++ usd commission per week has become hard to do. I can’t afford to have my glorious moment back, same as how I spend my luxurious time with her and staying in hotel is  almost a history for me till today. She cried….she is so touch of what I did for her and I am the luckiest guy as she is not a type of girl that will demand for Gucci Prada or Gordon Ramsay as her chef. She helped me to find a cheap hotel (motel) and stay with me every time when I visit her. We discussed and solve a lot of issue, such as, should I come down to the city and work because I can’t afford to travel down often anymore. My money is so limited and I really need a job badly if I want to sustain my life/relationship with her.

After 3 months of working, I made my fortune and came out with a great business plan, found a few business partner and started my venture until one of my partner decided to troll us all and I fell into a very bad situation which I need to start borrowing money to sustain my company and she started to sense that there is something wrong with me as every time when I meet her up, i will be either tired or in a very bad mood. Finally I broke down and spill everything, she felt guilty as I will not be in this situation if I were to stay back in Swiss. She felt guilty that if I stay back in my hometown, I will not face all this issue at all. She decided to give me all her saving money to me without any second thought to hope that everything will goes back to normal. I told her that I swear that with my life, I will return all the money to her and with my life I will make her proud again to have me as her special one.

My company and I had fallen so deep into trouble that even all her saving and ideas hardly change anything but my situation worsen. I am surviving my life now with only 5 usd per day and I still have a lot of debts that I need to clear off, so I decided to get a job again but this time, it is hard. I worked with a company for a month but they never pay me ( all the staff) too. I can’t take it anymore so I changed my job again but they will only hire me back at this month end. As days pass by, she kept encouraging me to not lose faith in myself, don’t give up and I know I won’t because I made a promise that I will make her proud.

23rd June 2012, this coming Saturday, it will be our anniversary but, I don’t even have any extra money to buy anything or celebrate with her. I felt so useless, but again everyday I am trying to find extra money from doing site job at home for people to make a few bucks. I am trying to survive. Something struck me in my mind as I started thinking, Why am I still in this relationship? why is it that she is still in this relationship? I started to think that is it because of the promise? is it because of the debt that I owe to her? Is it that I am as guilty as how she feels? I decided to calm myself down and starting to gaze into my memory till today and I found out why that I am still in this relationship.

WHY?

The answer is simple

Because:

We are still young and energetic

We still believe that “the day” will arrive

We are still waiting for the miracle to happen to both of us

We still believe that nothing is impossible and nothing will stop us

We are still deeply in

LOVE

“No matter what happen in this world, No matter what happen to the society, as long you “Believe” it, there is always hope”

“The day when you are in a coffin, that is the day whereby you can tell others, I tried my best”

“Die trying & Keep Fighting”

” Always Appreciate”

&

 ” Be grateful”

All of Me

When I am down in my life, music…a true classical piece of instrument will really cheer up my day and sometimes it will inspire me to even do more greater work or spice up my idea for my job. This is one of my favorite, by Jon Schmidt, All of Me, got it from The Piano Guy in youtube. Hope you all enjoy it. Cheers and have a great day.

The Life’s Wanderer

What will you do when you are lost in your life?

Had you ever ask yourself, friends, god or even the wall in your room?

why are you born into this world?

What is the purpose to complaint about your life?

Just keep on moving, stay strong and work hard!!!

The reason that you are even looking into this blog is because:

1.) I decided to share out my personal life experience hoping that it might save somebody’s life

2.) I am still having a good life with a house (struggling to pay), A car (spoiled), Friend ( LIMITED), Work ( Just starting).  Mobile phone (3 months bill never pay). a debt worth RM14,000 (4,500++ usd)…. my life is still better compare to most of the other poor country, but again this is not the reason for me to slow down and be a useless motherfucker…gotta work hard!!

3.) I decided to use this as a tools to release my tension and allow more (HUMAN) to connect with me …to share the knowledge and experience of life while helping each other out in many forms and many ways.

4.) And I will not update this blog very often, because I have to make sure that every post is worth reading.

Let the Magic Begin….